Somewhere in Syria, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is leaning back in his comfy chair watching cable news on his satellite HDTV and laughing about it to his second in command:
"These Republican's. I love them," he says. "They are like our brothers. We want to cause fear, they spread it, all over the media, Fox News, even in on the floor of Congress. I was just watching C-SPAN earlier. That Trey Gowdy was practically cribbing off of one of my propaganda speeches. Do what Gowdy says. Be afraid. Reject those refugees so we can kill those who do not share our views. The blood is really on their hands.
"The best part is I never thought about posing as a refugee. It is like these Conservatives are on our side, giving us such good advice. One even thought Obama's military advisers should appear in front of Congress to detail his strategy against us. Great! I would love to know that.
"To my brothers who lie in wait who are citizens of the US: make sure you keep voting Republican! Go to rally's and support Trump and that Ben Carson. Heck, Ben Carson is one of us, he used to go around stabbing people. Oh, note to the knife attackers around the world... make sure not to target people with belts, you will break the knife. American's apparently have anti-knife technology."